April 30 8:40 pm or there about... There are men who can discern the difference between a woman being disinterested in sex and that same woman being in almost desperate need of sexual release. Beyond that, there are men who have the capacity to disarm and dismantle the many layers of barriers and then love that woman the way she needs to be loved. The trouble with all that is, the men with the tools necessary to get past those barriers are generally players. The good men who want to love that woman the way she needs to be loved, but who may lack the capacity, also lack the tools to get there. An Impasse — But this is the real answer to why women love the Bad Boys. It all comes down to who knows how to really push their buttons right. Not that there aren’t good men who can be bad boys where it counts. We’re almost in the realm of fairy tales here. And I KNOW this. But these barriers I’ve erected over this lifetime, they are constructed with careful craftsmanship and dedication ove...
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April 30, 2020
Allowing myself to feel emotions. You want me to allow myself to FEEL what I’ve been avoiding. I think this is it, and I think it’s gonna take a LONG time to really feel all of it, it feels like a MOUNTAIN and a really, REALLY big mountain at that. I think I’m somewhere, under that mountain, maybe. The primary emotion I feel, or would feel, providing I’d allow myself to experience it fully, is despondency. Is despondency even an emotion? It’s 9 past 3, Saturday night before Easter Sunday. I’m sleepy, so sleepy I was falling asleep binge watching Dark Shadows. Still not willing to go to bed, I started puttering around online. Facebook mostly. You know how it is, you get on and one thing leads to another and another and next thing you know, it’s four hours later, at least that’s how it is for me. I sit here, in pain, really in quite a lot of pain, and I would love it if I could go lay down in bed and get comfortable and get some relief. I can’t do that though, because the bed is even wor...
